Is your positivity toxic to others?

For those of us who suffer from anxiety, it is very common to hear from other people who are willing to determine us to be ”more positive”, phrases like:

‟Just stay positive”

‟Could have been worse/ Others had it worse, so stop complaining.”

‟You have nothing to worry about, you don’t have cancer, you don’t have loans to pay to the bank, nor do you have children to look after.”

‟It is not the end of the world! Just chill.”

These are just some random phrases I’ve heard since…forever. And I know the people who say this kind of stuff is genuinely trying to be supportive and make you look on the bright side. However, despite their good intentions, they are only making things worse. Why?

The moment we hear positive quotes, usually, we don’t immediately think: ‟Oh, you are right, I have nothing to worry about”. NO.

Our brain is like: ‟Am I stupid and overestimating the seriousness of the whole situation?”

‟Why no one understands me?”

‟They think I am immature and a drama queen.”

It’s true, anxious people tend to overthink and sometimes exaggerate. We can turn what can seem insignificant to others into an earthquake.

But that doesn’t make us dumber than the rest of the world. Our brain is wired to rumination and turmoil and we do struggle, but do you know how much strength is required to get out of bed and face the world when inside our heads Satan is fighting Archangel Raphael? Anxiety is nerve-consuming, baby!

Now I will tell you what I believe you should tell someone who suffers from anxiety. First of all, don’t belittle anything they say to you. Encourage us to embrace our anxiety because it will never completely heal. And it’s never a good idea to hide our emotions under a carpet. But we can keep it under control. Of course, we have to work more on ourselves and trick our minds to function in our favor. Instead of meaningless shit, validate our emotions. How about you start by saying to us:

‟I understand why you are feeling like this”

‟Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

‟I’ve been through this as well and it sucks. You are not alone in your struggle!”

Empathy is the best alternative for toxic positivity

I am not a psychologist or other type of specialist related to mental health issues, I am just someone who deals with anxiety for a long time and I know what I hate to hear from the people around me. Of course, I can’t blame them, they only want the best for me and they do what they can.

If you didn’t get bored and manage to read until this point, I am sure you have noticed that this article is dedicated to those who have anxious friends or family members and have a hard time trying to cheer them up. Just try to imply the ‟validation technique” instead of the unrealistic and superficial shit we are all used to hearing so far.